Sports.

After an exhausting day of doing nothing, I poured myself a skinny latte and scrolled through everybody’s favorite social media ranting site. I’ve always considered Twitter a place of comfort, a safe space. My team of followers may ignore 99.9% of my tweets, but to me, they are family. I support them, and when it really matters, they support me back.

So, Twitter, consider me disappointed.

When I logged on this evening, I was faced with the glaring eyes of a stranger. Sports Twitter. Oh, heck. This was unfamiliar territory for me; I am perfectly happy wallowing somewhere in between the ‘gay standom’ and Literature Lane, thank you very much. In fact, to be honest, the whole experience was rather like being bombarded with small talk on a bus. Definitely something I could live without.

Today, Sports Twitter tried to celebrate the Super Bowl (yes, I know what that is) by creating a trend which, to the right eyes, must be so very soft and nostalgic. “Things I learned from sports”. Aww, how cute.

My first thought, as per usual, was nothing. Zilch. Absolutamente nada. Sport has literally contributed zero to my modest existence. I used to play tennis in primary school. Once, sometimes twice a week, I would drag myself out of bed and whack a few balls around with a racket that was definitely too big for me. Where has that gotten me? Well, I’m an outed lesbian diagnosed with Tennis Elbow, caused by writing too much. No more ball-whacking for me.

Then, I dismissed my pessimistic mindset for a split second and harked back to a time when sport actually taught me something. I’ve talked enough in my blogs about my time on NCS in August, 2016. Those few weeks, though short, were perhaps the most rewarding in my life. I learned how to lead a team to success; I met some of the best people imaginable; my confidence pretty much shot through the roof. The first week, of course, was the dreaded sports week. We rock climbed. We abseiled. We hiked through the Welsh hills. We even jumped off a few cliffs. And yet, through all of this, the best lesson I really learned was to never cliff dive with an ear infection.

With such a rubbish relationship with sports, it’s surely understandable that I’ve been asking myself: why? What’s the point? I live in the South East of England, a country with devout adoration for football. Yet, all I see is a bunch of overpaid lads kicking a ball around. I don’t get it! So, I thought I’d educate myself. What can you learn from sport?

Sports fans are intolerant.

Hey, at least they’re trying.

It’s easy.

Twitter: another sport I fail at.

It’s gay.

I could get into this.

It’s really gay.

I’m sweating.

It’s toxic.

Yikes.

I’m not alone.

Join the club, buddy!

I guess sports and I aren’t so different after all.

Stay woke, kids.

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